The Stand (continued)

A book so long, I had to take a stand and split up the posts. Geddit? Anyone? Bueller? See, this is why I don't have anyone reading this stupid blog. And yet I continue. Like the struggle of good vs. evil in the form of an old black lady and a cowboy boot wearing, cold guy. The first half of this review/summary/analysis thing can be found here.

Part Two: On the Border

We last left off with the teenage angst of a boy suffering from unrequited love. Angst that evolved into hate. Even in a post-apocalyptic world, nerds can't catch a break. You know, unless they're cute or have a more useful talent than writing (I'm so screwed when an apocalypse comes!) It's too bad Harold's so far gone. The fat nerd I semi-sympathized has been replaced by a thinner, colder version. When Singer Larry and Non-Wild Boy Leo go visit him, the poor kid refuses to go inside Harold's house. Larry has become a sort of surrogate dad to him (who knew!) so the kid waits for Larry until he comes back out. It seems no amount of praise, compliments, and sweet Payday chocolate bars can bring Harold back to his former self.

Stu visits Larry to ask him to be on the committee, since Some Guy I Don't Know declined on account of him being busy as the only doctor in the Free Zone (technically a vet but as I've said before, beggars can't be choosers). Stu wants to know his opinion on Harold because Texans are apparently threatened by fake smiles. Larry gives him a summary of his meeting and he ultimately agrees to join their committee. That drug binging singer has really grown up in the two and a half months since he first moved back with his mommy to escape a debt collector. Meanwhile, Fran looked through her diary, having connected 'Mein Kampf' to the idea that Harold read her private thoughts. Ri-ight. And she finds the damning chocolate thumbprint near the end, concluding that he read all the petty insults she wrote about his personal hygiene or his fatty fat fatness. This just reinforces her immaturity. She's a twenty one year old girl who gossips about nerds and gets the giggles when she's nervous. And she's pregnant and serving on a committee overseeing the new free world. Why does Mr. King do this to me? I don't want to hate his young, female characters. It just happens. Not enough to start a rage journal but after a few more books, who knows.

Even a post-apocalyptic novel is not free from a committee excerpt. The Secretive Seven decree they need to inform people about what's safe to eat, bury any remaining bodies, and oh yeah, deal with the ever present evil of the Dark Man. They want to send spies into Las Vegas but they acknowledge their spies may not return. Someone else who may not return? Mother Abagail. Because she has officially left the building. The problem with being super religious is that the God you're serving is pretty harsh sometimes. Just ask Job. Or the Jews. Anyway, she thinks she's been too prideful so she leaves on a spiritual journey. The proof of her supposed pride is her apparent whiny tone when she asked for God's help against killer weasels. And maybe letting people love her like some kind of saint. Geez, if that was her being prideful, most people I know are walking bags of Hitler/Mussolini spawn. Or Hitlerini. Hmm. Sounds like the most prejudiced pasta ever. So, Stu is freaked out but Nick takes the loss of their Mother in stride. People in the Free Zone think she'll come back from her spiritual journey so at least there's no mass panic. Yet.

After a brief sidetracking adventure where Fran sneaks around in Harold's house and pretty much gets nowhere, Stu, Truck Driver Ralph, and Cold, Creepy Harold set out with walkie talkies to look for Mother Abagail. This misadventure also gets nowhere. Harold subtly has a hidden gun on him and he almost shoots Stu but then Stu shows him a bit of kindness and respect and it confuses Harold. There may be hope for him just yet. But then I think I said something similar about him and Fran getting together so it's probably best to take my word with a grain of salt. After another search party comes up empty handed, the professor and some others meet up to talk about the fallacies of the human race and the existence of magic. Hey, you've got your philosophy in my socialism. Afterward, Stu and Fran have some more sex. They seriously go at it like bunnies. He's lucky she's already pregnant. And I guess if they can survive a Superflu, any STD is a cakewalk.

There's so many people in the Free Zone that I don't particularly care for, that it's a real surprise when a newcomer arrives that I do care for. Specifically, the professor's dog, Kojak. Woooo! He pulled a Homeward Bound and tracked them all the way to Colorado! Stu and the professor seem just as happy to see that dog as I am (poor skinny, injured little thing). We actually get a flashback of Kojak's heroic showdown against a pack of wolves in Nebraska. The little dog put up a brave fight, wounding and sending those cowardly wolves running. He hid for a bit at Mother Abagail's house before tracking the scent, not of his master, but of that Dark Man. Kojak feels safe in Boulder and doesn't sense the Dark Man. Also, Spoiler Alert! Kojak lives a long, full life! And that is just about the best thing I've read so far. Thank you for the spoilers, Stephen King. Kojak's master, the professor, does not enjoy such a long life. Meh. Still feel happy.

The committee still has to have its meeting and they decide that with Mother Abagail gone, they need to make sure their elected positions are permanent. They also postpone picking spies to send to the evil town until the next meeting. Wow, they sound bureaucratic already. The third item of business is making an official search party for the Mother, in case she's injured. Stu thinks they should put Harold in charge since it was Harold's idea and most of the committee go along with it, only Nick "voicing" his distrust of the boy. Hmm... if the perceptible deaf mute doesn't like the conflicted nerd, I may have to side with deaf mute on this. Hope he gets proved wrong and Harold ends up on the side of good but the odds are not in his favor. You know what's interesting? A town hall meeting and the parliamentary process. No wait, what's the opposite of interesting? I meant that. The town hall meeting is nice to hammer home the point that America is gone and this new society will rise from the ashes. What's past is past and all that. Moving on!

After the meeting, everyone goes home but Singer Larry has a special visitor waiting for him. It's that school teacher and she's got her seduction dress on. It's the last temptation of Larry and you can bet he's tempted but he ultimately resists. She tries to tell him she'll be safe if they have sex. She'll finally be able to stay but I must point out, once again, if all she needs to do is have sex to finally be safe and free, I'm sure any of the men in the five hundred plus settlement would be willing to help out! Does it seriously have to be Larry? For God's sake, woman, go jump the retarded fellow. Or maybe Harold. Oh! Now there's an idea! They're both cold, frustrated virgins who are under the control of the Dark Man. Sex will set them free! Oh snap, it looks like she might just take up my idea. But not before the school teacher gets into contact with the Dark Man using... a gay box? King's description is odd but he describes it as a party game with a three sided "planchette" that moves under her hands so I'm thinking maybe a Ouija board. A gay Ouija board that was made in Taiwan. I bet the devil would love that.

The committee who should be committed decide to send three spies to the Flagg compound: a Judge, Tom the Mental Guy, and Another Lady. They also waffle on jailing people who try to leave, on the one hand, people who leave might be going to the evil society and spilling their secrets to the Dark Man. On the other hand, they'd look like a police state of prejudice pasta. The professor brings the voice of science and reason as he thinks they should get a police department going and follow the constitution they drafted. Even Nick can't save this boring dreck, so let's check in on the burial committee and Harold. Or should I say "Hawk". A nerd no more, this guy has lost weight and pimples, has proven himself a trusted asset of the town, and is helping bury the bodies with other tough men, all for some master plan where he earns everyone's trust and... I guess strikes when they least suspect? But his heart seems to grow a size or two that day when he gets the nickname "Hawk" and a clap on the back for a job well done.

All this good will continues as the school teacher finally visits Harold. Awww yeah. This is turning into a straight up erotic novel. Aaand... she's still planning to remain a virgin. But she's willing to do any other sexual thing with Harold and his little Hawk because she's saving herself for the Dark Man. Still?! I thought this was it! The way they could save themselves; by her not "saving herself". What's the point? Damn it, Nadine! Let's move on to operation Suicidal Spies. They talk to an old judge who takes the news pretty well and agrees to go to Las Vegas to get information for their side, even though it means he might die. Next up, they hypnotize Mental Tom who, it turns out, is a lot like Rain Man when he's under. The guy is cognizant and he even tells Nick and his crew that Mother Abigail is still alive. Lucky their retarded fellow was the brilliant, precognitive Hollywood type and not simply the more common emotionally/mentally stunted type. There's a third volunteer spy but they don't even mention her until a few pages later and the only two things of note were: 1) She's bisexual, 2) the person who accompanied her as she left found a puppy on the way back. A female puppy, and thus a future mate for Kojak! Immune dogs will survive and thus the Free Zone (and I) rejoiced.

The Free Zone finally gets themselves a real doctor who has worked on humans and everything. They also get the troubling news that two babies were born and immediately died afterward. They don't know if the Superflu did it but it gives Fran a 50/50 chance on whether her baby will survive or not since she's immune but her college beau was most likely not. Later on, she has her first visit with the new doctor and the baby in her belly seems to be fine. Just as she's getting some good news, it looks like bad news is brewing for the committee members. Harold has gotten his hands on some dynamite. I feel like this wouldn't have happened if that damn school teacher just gave it up to him. I know what it sounds like, and I would never advocate such a thing but King tends to make me wish things I'd never wish before. It's a little too late now, though. Harold can sense she's touched by the Dark Man and he's conflicted about his kinky evenings with her. At the same time, the school teacher is nervous about Harold's plans and his callous attitude toward her when they aren't in bed. Let this be a lesson to the guys reading: if a girl claims she's saving herself for marriage and she wants to do anything but traditional, "procreation" sex, then she's in a pact with the devil and you're doomed. I hope this has dissuaded any perverts from wanting to stick in "just the tip". Just the tip, my ass. (Heh). Just the tip into Randall's House of Damnation and Poker!

The list of precognitive people is growing almost as much as the list of main characters. Non-Wild Boy Leo is apparently disturbed that his adopted mother/school teacher is shacking up with Harold. The kid goes into a trance and tells his father figure, Singer Larry, that the two are influenced by the Dark Man and he should talk to Fran about what caused it. Larry does, and she reveals her stupid diary secret, before they deduce that Harold might have his own secret journal. So naturally Encyclopedia Clown and Sally Dimbulb break into Harold's house and find his journal. At the same time, Nadine, the school teacher, walks into Nick's empty house and hides Harold's homemade bomb. She gets a vision or something from the Dark Man, turning her hair white, and informing her that Harold's journal was found. The two technical virgins plan to hide out and leave town the next day. I worry for Nick and his committee. Mostly for Nick.

The committee gets together and does their committee thing while Harold is off in the distance with his walkie talkies and a school teacher with an overly full bladder. There's much blah blah blah'ing but the tension keeps growing as Harold keeps waiting for "the right moment". It's just like evil idiots to not do things quick and easy. Always have to take their sweet time. Anyway, Fran gets some kind of horrible feeling that something's going to happen and she yells at everyone to get out of the house. So she's precognitive too? Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones. The frenzy really starts when a bunch of motorcycles come roaring towards the house just as Fran is rushing out. Looks like the special "find Mother Abagail" committee did their job. Nick gets his own premonition and instead of getting out, like everyone else, he goes to the closet and looks for the bomb he can sense is in there. For God's sake Nick, get the hell out! The bomb goes off and Harold and his increasingly guilty, virgin school teacher ride off towards the city of sin. I'm filled with dread. I usually like hellish, Carrie-style explosions and thrilling action. I've grown soft with my fondness and worry for some of the characters. Damn it.

Seven people died in the explosion. About twenty injured, including the preggo and the gas guy. Nick was closest to the blast. He died. The deaf mute, who's always been patient, and kind, and sharp, and critical, and... SON OF A BITCH! Preggo Fran is crying over his death and I half feel like joining her. King could've chosen anyone else to sacrifice but Nick had to be one of them! What do you have against the handicapped, Mr. King!? I call literary hate crime on Stephen King! And that bastard, son of a whore, evil, fattie fat fat Harold! Even the news of dear, old Mother Abagail's return brings no comfort because she's dying too. Trekking around in the desert with nothing but your Sunday dress tends to do that to a person, I suppose.

Town Hall meeting. Power finally returns to the city. The second book is nearing a close and trying to talk about anything except for my poor, deaf mute, Nick, seems impossible. I'll just leave you with Mother Abagail's dying words. She wants the remaining four men, Gas Guy Stu, Singer Larry, Professor Glen, and Truck Driver Ralph to go face off against Randall "Dark Man" Flagg. Nick was supposed to be the leader (naturally!) but now it's all on Stu. Preggo Fran backtalks her Mother but she heals the hysterical preggo to show the power of God. Mother Abagail doesn't know if the committee's men will prevail and I don't necessarily care if they do. Not if Nicky isn't there. After many a tearful goodbye, the four men (and Kojak!) set off with nothing but the clothes on their backs and the dim hope God isn't playing a cruel joke on them all. Well if he's anything like Mr. Stephen "Yank My Heart Out" King...

Part Three: The Stand

Thank goodness, we're at the last part, named for the book. And it's the one time that the last part isn't just a few pages of fake news excerpts. Actually, the vampire book might have also had a sizable third part but this is the first book that has each part split up into roughly the same number of pages. The symmetry admirer in me has to approve even if my weary mind and heavy heart wants to stick my tongue out and blow raspberries. Everyone's favorite evil overlord has figured out that the Free Zone sent spies his way so his little army of the burly and the bored are given orders to kill them on sight. They're also given names but King can kindly take those names and shove them where the sun don't shine.

The first Free Zone spy that gets spotted is the first one that got sent out. The elderly Judge has been driving a good long way and knows he's headed in the right direction when he sees a Dark Man dissenter hanging from a rope. A regular dope on a rope. At a hotel, the Judge sees a crow who seems to be the Dark Man. He gets his trusty shotgun and fires at the frightened crow with the glowing red eyes... and the safety's off. For crying out loud! I hope the judge looks forward to "hanging out" with the Randallnator. No, wait. He won't get a chance because one of the Dark Man's henchmen blasts the Judge's face off. And while it sucks for the Judge, he can feel some post-mortem satisfaction that his killer will face the Dark Man's wrath. Because the Dark Man likes his dead playthings to look pretty, especially the face part. You've gotta think of the collector's value.

The second spy in the set of three has better luck and has actually infiltrated the Vegas base by sleeping with that former rapist/murderer/rat connoisseur. It just goes to show that even in an apocalypse, Las Vegas welcomes bisexual women more openly than elderly Judges. Sexing up the FlaggFather's right hand man got her a ton of information on their jet training program (headed by the felon), their weapons gathering program (headed by the Trashcan Man), and the creep everyone out program (headed by the man of many names). The bisexual chick has heard much about the man, the myth, the mothertrucker. (Well, he certainly dresses like a trucker). He can control animals, he can shapeshift, he can drive people insane with one look, he can play a mean gold fiddle. He can also hypnotize a woman into thinking he's a nice man. She gets dragged to the Dark Man's office and nearly falls for his nice guy routine but just manages to look away. The force is strong with this chick. He reveals he knows much about their little settlement and their plans, except for who the third spy is. She tries an assassination attempt but it fails due to a banana mix-up. Ri-ight. She commits hara-kiri via glass window to the head and neck. Darth Randall orders her body to be burned while he meditates and floats higher than a demon should. That is to say at all, because in all the mythology I've read and seen, I don't recall gentle floating as one of Lucifer's powers. Still. I always knew yoga was evil.

With two of the three collectables ruined, it's up to the third spy, a retarded man under hypnosis, to carry out the reconnaissance mission. If this were any kind of normal circumstances, the good guys would be ten types of screwed. But in a world where the antichrist and white magic prevail in some weird horror fantasy mishmash, this mental guy, a guy who spells everything with an M-O-O-N, might just be a hero. He's the Free Zone's Neville Longbottom. And now, one last look at someone who could've been a hero himself. Or so he wishes. On his way to Vegas, Harold slipped off his motorcycle and shattered his leg. His white-haired school teacher partner chose to abandon him but not before he tried to get two bullets into her. He failed of course. Story of his life. And now that he's dying with a gangrenous leg, he's penning his last letter of confession and regret in a journal. How many of those does he have? You know what, I don't care. The day Harold killed Nick was the day he killed any remaining sympathy I had for him. He puts a gun to his mouth and nothing of value was lost. Anyone for fried Hawk? Just avoid the rotten drumstick.

Since we got the backstory of just about every main character, it's only fair we get to see the origins of Lord Randallmort. Or not, since he can't seem to remember anything past the day of the Superflu plague. The dude is cracking up. He's doubting his powers because the bisexual spy defied him, the third spy still isn't found, and his virgin bride was almost killed. He doesn't even know that Mother Abagail sent four men after him. Sure, it's like sending four rabbits to slay a lion but rabbits can be mean little jerks. They can bite and kick. Anyway, he can look forward to sexy times with his stupid, virgin bride. A woman who's had so many chances to turn back or resist but keeps going even though she's practically sick with fear. Randall Flagg and his cowboy boots meet her in the desert and what follows reads like some deranged erotic rape fanfiction. I had a joke that went something like, "Ride 'em, cowgirl" because of the boots but it's just so weird. He pulls down his pants and she screams. I know that reads funny (talk about a "trouser snake"! Haha) but it's like 'The Fountainhead', 'A Streetcar Named Desire', and a whole bunch of Twilight fanfiction notched up to 11. One the one hand, it's funny if I think of it as 50 Shades of Desert Bodice Ripper but then a part of me finds it kind of icky and surreal too. The end result is that the Dark Man screws her into a catatonic state and she's pregnant with a demon spawn. He has a bit of a scare when he senses someone is coming for him but can't discern who. Why fear when you can just show them your wang of doom? I feel dirty.

Bad news for Sin City. A pilot made fun of the Trashcan Man and got himself incinerated because of it. You don't want to mess with a weird, unstable pyro like that. Even Sir Mighty Penis doesn't mess with the Trashcan Man. Also, that nympho bitch that threw herself at Nick so many chapters ago has made it to Vegas. Of course she's on the side of evil. The only reason I mention this little pissant is because she recognized Tom. Calling him a retard and calling Nick a dummy. Ugh. She tells Flaggface's right hand man about it and he jots down the info but dismisses her. Luckily, the bimbo waited until a night of the full moon. That being the signal for Tom to return to the Free Zone. He'll be halfway back by the time they figure out he's gone. Using a mystical power, known as "the Eye", which I believe is a black rock with a red mark on it, (that looks like an eye) the Dark Man is able to look beyond and see what his enemies are doing. It's like the Eye of Sauron except pocket-sized and kinda lame because it can't even see Tom, sleeping under some rocks and bushes. No infrared? No heat sensing technology? You need to upgrade, Flaggy Bear. When his right hand man finally decides to question Tom, he discovers Tom's connection to my beloved deaf mute Nick, and all hell breaks loose.

Tom continues on his never ending journey and even gets visited by Nick's spirit. Spirit Nicky! Give me a   hug, you magnificent deaf mute bastard! Even Nick is spouting the gospel of God and Tom follows stars and rocks east, dreaming of Pringles and his totally alive, not exploded friend, Nick. Oh, my heart. Tom still hasn't been found, at least not by air, because all the Vegas pilots got blown up by another of Trashcan Man's homemade explosives. Since that pyro lives in the desert like some deranged meerkat, none of the Dark Man's dank men can find him. Even the rat-eater sees that his boss is slipping, and if the loyal felon is expressing doubts, you can imagine how his not-so-loyal subjects might be feeling. The antichrist's bride starts to taunt him, telling him about the four men coming to destroy him. He refuses to believe that. He throws a tantrum and tries to meditate but his elevating skills have sunk down to Criss Angel levels. In a fit of rage, he throws his taunting school teacher bride out the window and realizes he's throwing out the baby with the white-haired, semi-catatonic bathwater. Randall Flagg, you done goofed. Hah.

Trashcan Man is in the desert, half out of his gourd and looking for something to atone for his killings. He finds one of those military bases in the middle of the desert that seem like a good idea before an apocalypse comes sniffling in. The Trashcan Man has found the ultimate weapon so Daddy Flagg can love him again. An atomic warhead. Now we're cooking with gas. People in the Vegas settlement are growing ansty and quietly leaving, a few at a time. One of the Vegas ladies, and a friend of Flagg's right hand man, reveals she's abandoning ship, so to speak, and she invites him to come with her and a few others to Brazil. Even with his doubts he wants to stay but he won't rat her out to his boss. His loyalty moves me enough to reveal his name, with just a few chapters to go. My dear readers, the former pot-smoking, jail bragging, rat-eating, rapist/murderer is named Lloyd and he is going to stick by his Dark Man. Oh em gee, maybe he has a chance with Randy Pandy now that his pregnant wife has taken a nose dive! Just watch out for Trashy, because that crazy ho is also obsessed with your man. Mm hmm! *Z-snap!*

Using the Eye of Fauxron, the Dark Man finally sees something; the four men and doggy who will bring about his demise. Hopefully. The Free Zone Walking Tour is trudging along slowly but surely. Over on your left, you'll see the corpse of a scrawny, guilt-ridden nerd. Over on your right you'll see a man surrounded by dead wolves. Up ahead is another dark tunnel so get your Hail Marys ready because you're, once again, too dumb to loot a flashlight from whatever town you looted your lunch. The professor leads off a riveting discussion about spirit quests and how purging the body and mind will make them stronger and sharper, like the Native Americans and the biblical prophets of many moons ago. So yoga is a tool of evil but fasting is tool of good. Got it. The group have to cross some kind of gully and it's pretty tense on the way down for all of them (Except for Kojak. That dog can do anything). They all manage to get up except for Stu who falls down and breaks his leg like Harold so long ago. Once again, I want to say it's ironic since Harold was his nemesis and all but I fear internet correctors. Their leader, Stu, is down for the count and Singer Larry, as second in command, is freaked out about taking the reigns because who needs all that pressure, right? Also he doesn't want to leave a friend to die in a deep ditch. But after much arguing and tears, they follow Mother Abagail's orders and head west. Larry sings a hopeful tune of "we're coming back for you!" but Stephen King spoils that little nugget of hope by ending his chapter with the fact that they're not going to see Stu Redman ever again. And then there were three.

That's right three. because Kojak the wonderdog stayed behind with Stu to keep him fed with rabbit kills and to protect him against the cold and maybe some demon wolves. You are one lucky son of a gun, Stu. The other three, not so much. The professor, Truckless Ralph, and Larry the New Leader finally come across the Dark Man's Vegas goons. And the goons aren't nearly as intimidating as they might have been a week or two ago. Low morale has captured the Flaggmen even as they capture the three Free Zone men. In the confines of his Vegas jail cell, it's the professor who first comes face to face with Ol Dirty Flaggstard himself. The professor is so surprised at the mere mortal look that he just laughs and laughs. Faithful rat-eater, Lloyd, shoots the professor on the orders of his freaked out boss. Lloyd does some freaking out of his own before being mollified and ordered to build something special for their guests. And then there were two.

The next morning, Singer Larry and Truckless Ralph get handcuffed and put inside the newly-constructed cages, right in front of the MGM hotel in Vegas. All they need is a white tiger and they'll have a true Vegas show for the whole town that gathered to watch. Uh oh. Here comes the evil(er) David Copperfield himself, with his lackey, pale-faced Lloyd. Somebody get the Dark Man a switch 'cuz he's about to get his discipline on. One person dares to cry foul against him but he gets a Hadouken to the face. Everyone is understandably silent when the Dark Man asks if there's anymore objections. That is until the one, the only, the Trashcan Man appears! He looks more like trash than man, because of the radiation and all, but he's so pleased he's got himself a fatman. Or is it a little boy? Those are my subtle, historical hints that he's got an a-bomb that will blow Nevada off the map. Everyone else scatters in terror like mice who've spotted the cat. Who has explosives in it's mouth. Even the Wicked Switch of the West feels a cold stab of fear at this unforseen event. He has one last trick up his sleeve and pulls off a disappearing act that may or may not be successful. The atom bomb is an explosive show stopper.

And then there were... umm... none? They should all be dead. Except for Kojak the Lassie of the post-apocalypse and the surprise appearance of moon-faced Tom. Looks like Stu's odds of survival might beat the house. He has Tom fetch any medicine and/or food he can from any nearby cars. Tom does pretty darn good. He also finally learns of Nick's death and cries for his lost friend but accepts it better than I did. Despite the luck of finding a working car and driving it to the nearest town, Stu takes a turn for the worse and Tom and Kojak are worried. But never fear, the spirit of Nick is here! Hi everybody! Hi Dr. Nick! He can talk now because heaven has a terrific healthcare system. He gives Tom instructions on what pills to give Stu and some tough love on being a man. If Stu does end up dying, Nick tells his mental friend that he should go to the Free Zone with Kojak and leave Stu behind. Good plan, Nick. I feel a sense of incompleteness knowing one of the four men survived certain death. And no, this isn't petty revenge against the whiny pregnant girl who won't have any boys if Stu dies... nope. It is not.

Ah screw it. We all know I'm petty so let's wrap this up since I'm nearing the end of this book. Thanks to Mental Major Tom, Stu gets better. They spend a few weeks in a hotel when an unexpected snow storm hits. Winter's a'comin and if they don't try to make it home in a liberated snowcat, they'll have to wait it out until spring. They keep on trucking as the snow comes and goes, and as weeks turn into months. Stu dreams of Fran giving birth and they're not pleasant dreams. Blood! Placenta! Vaaaagiiiinnaaa! Anyone feeling uncomfortable, yet? Tom and Stu have a nice makeshift Christmas and continue to ski country. After much snow, tunnels, and wolves that indicate the Dark Man may not be dead, the two men and Kojak finally make it to Boulder. Fran's baby seems to be suffering from the Superflu but behold! Another miracle as the baby survives, why not. Wow, isn't Frannie the fanny just a lucky girl? Her baby represents hope, I suppose. But I think a baby borne from two immune parents would bring even more hope. Like Lucy's babies. Too bad her beloved Singer Larry is dead. I say too bad, but it's just a formality. I feel more sorry for that Leo kid who King doesn't mention again but of course we get a final chapter that focuses on the Maine girl, the Texas man, and their baby.

In the last chapter, which reads more like an epilogue, the Free Zone is well over ten thousand strong and the children are playing their spring games. No Longer Preggo Fran misses her home town of Maine and wants to leave the Free Zone sometime soon. I wonder how long her wanderlust will last when she hits her first block of dead bodies. It took a group of a dozen men to bury thousands of dead bodies in Boulder and that was just a light haul. They end up at Mother Abagail's Cabin O'Corn and ponder the future of humanity. There's police officers in Boulder. And guns. And the old ways of civilization. Crime, drugs, and killing may or may not follow. King ends the book on a note of uncertainty with two characters I also feel uncertain about. Fitting. I need me a Lovin' Spoonful.

Do you believe in magic, in a pyro's heart?
How the a-bomb can free him, or tear a town apart.
It's white magic. And you know that I'll root.
For the dog, and the mental guy, and the ghost of a mute.
Talked about a black woman who lives in corn.
And a demon and a nerd who was obsessed with porn.

Do you believe, what I believe?
Do you believe that Flagg *did* leave?
So many dead, but few I grieve.
I'll pull a conclusion out of my sleeve...

You know, my fears lingered from the previous book, especially when, once again, a woman I don't particularly care for survived in the end. But overall, King really had me hooked with this one. This apocalyptic future is, at it's core, a story about good vs. evil. But unlike the power struggles of supernatural evil entities in normal, small towns, this story depicts a Tolkein epic in a sprawling landscape, covering cities, beaches, mountains, and the desert from hell. Sure, there's still a supernatural evil entity here, representing Satan, and an old woman representing, I guess, a disciple? Jesus? A physical manifestation of mortal salvation (wait, I think that's also Jesus)? I could go on and on but that's not what this entry is about and it would take too long (goodness knows this is long enough!)

I want to commend King on redeeming himself in my eyes and showing he can combine drama, horror, and different scenery (it's not just Maine, people!) into an engaging read. Let's give a standing ovation to 'The Stand'.

This blog post was brought to you by Mother Abagail's Fried Chicken and Twinkies. A combination so good, evil weasels will try and kill you for it! (And don't forget the corn, mah dear chile'.)